Partnering

Men and Women Partnering in Mission
An Interview with Marilyn Coffield

In mid-September, I (Jane Berry) traveled to Colorado Springs to attend a special event commemorating the end of the historic five-year term of service for Marilyn Coffield on the Military Leadership Team (MLT). I was honored to speak briefly on behalf of the National Women's Ministry of Marilyn's incredible pacesetting on this entity team, as she ably laid the groundwork for other women to follow. I thought it would be of value for you to hear Marilyn's heart about her experiences during those five years. Here are some of the things she had to say:

JANE: Tell us your thoughts as you began your role with the Military Leadership Team.

MARILYN: In the military world I have often thought, "Beginnings can be hard times." It comes in the form of moving to new locations, new relationships, waiting for household goods to arrive, getting settled, and so forth. I think this is true in most areas of life . . . new beginnings stretch us.

For me, coming onto the MLT was a new beginning. There had been only one other woman on the team, a number of years before, who served with her husband for a short period of time. So I was breaking new ground . . . there was not a job description or someone's place I was stepping into. My teammates were very helpful, but I had to find my own way.

As with anything that is new or different, there is an adjustment period. It was new for me, but also new for our entity to have a woman on the leadership team so questions of need, relevance, and function were discussed. One thing that was being questioned in our work at the time was the place of women's contribution in ministry and leadership. It was very helpful to have Alan Andrews, director of the U.S. Navigators, share guidelines in this area. That brought some clarity on issues such as leadership, authority, and headship.

JANE: What were some of the challenges for you personally?

MARILYN: It was personally challenging for me to travel alone and be away from home on an average of a week or more every month. Following my first MLT meeting, God met me in a special way when traveling alone. Stranded in the Atlanta airport in an ice storm on Super Bowl weekend, God showed me His provision and protection by providing a hotel room, food, and the opportunity to meet a woman who has become a friend. He has always shown up with whatever was needed for the moment!

Another stretch for me was trusting God for capacity, especially in the area of dealing with conflict. Ron Holechek, our entity leader, provided a good example for me. Ron has a high value for "right relationships" and works until things are relationally okay. We tried to apply this principle not only with our own team relationships but also with relationships in our entity and the whole Navigator work. I remember sitting in meetings thinking, What is a farm girl from Michigan, from a dysfunctional family, doing trying to help others with their issues?

Learning to balance home, family, local ministry, and MLT travel was a challenge. How do I continue to support my husband in his role as staff trainer and area leader at Fort Bragg, North Carolina? We continued to have a Bible study group that met in our home each week, so that helped the ministry "come to me." When I joined the MLT, I had one daughter in her career field and the other was still in college. Life does not stop. . . . I had two weddings and a new grandbaby during my tenure.

My husband was the "wind beneath my wings" during those five years. He was very supportive and encouraging in his quiet way. One thing that was difficult was not being able to discuss everything with him.

 JANE: What were some things you learned working on a mixed gender team?

MARILYN: One of the greatest blessings to me of working on a mixed gender team was the interaction and discussion with differing personalities, temperaments, and gifting. I heard [fellow Navigator staff] Peggy Reynoso share in a seminar that it is good when communicating with men to say things concisely and in as complete a thought as possible without unnecessary words. (I think there are also women who receive input better this way.) This was helpful advice, but it took some discipline and practice on my part to speak when I had something to contribute without over-communicating.

Our team leader was deliberate in our commitment to work on team dynamics and interaction. Using principles from Leadership Catalyst, we shed tears, laughed, disagreed, had misunderstandings, asked for forgiveness, and worked on the premise of trusting the strengths and protecting the weaknesses we grew to know were true about each other. As we struggled with sin issues, heartaches with children, and disappointments and tragedies with our precious staff, we endured and formed friendships born out of the realities of life and the joys and difficulties of leading.

Some other things I learned were:

• If I thought I was not heard or was misunderstood, I needed to be willing to wade back in with such phrases as, "I may not have been very clear with one aspect of our discussion; let me try again."
• Extend grace freely.
• Allow emotion and dissension to happen, and don't take it personally.
• Be yourself and not what you think someone wants you to be.
• If you think you have offended someone, deal with it as soon as possible.

JANE: Finally, Marilyn, what helped you through the hard times?

MARILYN: What helped me most was that I was certain that God had called me for this role. He had used the verse in Esther 4:14b, "for such a time as this." I was not eager to pioneer being a woman on the MLT, but I was too afraid to say no to God! I knew it would be for a time and that at some point I would step back for others to come along. It seems often women use their gifting and talents in seasons . . . stepping forward to make contributions and then stepping back as the demands of home and family ebb and flow.

I once asked a scholarly friend to make observations on how Jesus dealt with women. After going through the Gospels, she came to the conclusion that He treated women and men the same. . . . He spoke into their lives, treated them with dignity and respect, and shared the Word with them. The issues of my generation will not be the same as the issues of my daughters' generation. I have maybe been a "rototiller," digging up the earth and removing some of the obstacles for other women to follow. Now they can lay a foundation, plant, nurture, and wait on God to cause the growth, just as women have been doing since creation. I am grateful for having a small part in God's picture for growing His Kingdom.