Life & Death, Grief & Comfort
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
—Psalm 34:18
March 2006If you are not on our e-mail list, you may not have heard that our lovely daughter Paula was killed in an automobile accident January 20th. Within fifteen minutes of the wreck she passed into the presence of the Lord, almost as quickly as we will when He returns.
Since her death we have been immersed in grieving. The shocking events that brought about her death still have the power to shock us. We have cried out with groaning and tears and received great comfort from those of you who have sorrowed with us, but the grief of this tremendous loss will continue much longer...
The big question foremost in most people’s minds seems to be why God would allow this tragedy to come into our lives on top of the other trials and losses we have experienced. For us, the “why” question does not trouble us much. Our focus is on the enormity of our loss, which saddens and overwhelms us. In the past we have written about suffering, but we cannot think of this loss as being in the same class as trials and tribulations. It’s like comparing a thunderstorm to a Category 5 hurricane. Calling it “suffering” seems to trivialize its magnitude.
We have, however, been comforted by many blessings in the midst of our grief, and we would like to share them with you, so that you may share our journey.
Comfort
God comforted us through Paula’s memorial service. Through Paula, God
brought together all our worlds at her memorial service. Navigator
staff friends from across the U.S. joined us, friends from Mexico drove
and flew up to be with us, Paula’s friends and teachers came to grieve
and honor her with us, both sides of our extended families supported us
together--including our new in-laws from Jen’s family--and San Antonio
friends and neighbors, our sons’ friends, and church friends came to
cry and laugh with us... It was amazing!One of Paula’s outstanding qualities was her ability to relate to disparate groups of people and bring them together. We felt that once again she had done her relational magic. The eulogies and stories shared by her friends allowed us to get to know our daughter in new ways, and we were comforted by re-creating her life together, so that we could say good-bye one last time.
Our favorite story was told by her brother David. In December he had called her cell phone and asked her what she was doing. “Well, I’m on my way to Wendy’s to get a hamburger for a homeless man.” She explained how she had stopped at a traffic light and the man had approached a group of teenage boys in a car in front of her. The young men began to yell abusive statements, like “Get a job!” Paula, in turn, started shouting at the guys for their insensitivity and lack of mercy. The homeless man walked to her car and thanked her, offering her a dollar and saying that no one had ever stood up for him like that. Paula asked him if he was hungry, and he said yes.
“My dad would kill me if I let you get in the car with me, but could I go get you something from Wendy’s and bring it back to you?” And that is what our big-hearted daughter, always full of more courage than good sense, did for a new friend in need.
The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.
—Isaiah 57:1-2
God comforts us through friends who are His hands and feet in serving us.
Our friends and family organized a command center in our home to field the calls and arrange the logistics of lodging and travel arrangements for out-of-town guests and invite everyone to the visitation and memorial service, as plans emerged. They also cleaned our house, ran errands, and brought food and served it, so that I didn’t have to cook for a month. Others of you sent flowers, beautiful cards and letters, and financial gifts. Most precious of all, you grieved with us. Thank you.
Kenneth Hauck’s, in Journeying Through Grief, says: “God doesn’t take away our pain, but shares it. That’s why every person who deeply shares the pain of your grief is doing God’s work.” The visits, phone calls, cards and e-mails that have comforted us the most have been those in which friends cried and suffered with us. We are not alone in our sorrow.
Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints.
—Psalm 116:15
God comforts us through His Word.
This was especially true when He increased our understanding of Psalm 116:15. I thought this verse meant that God enjoys receiving His saints when they die, but its literal translation is more like “the saints are too precious in the Lord’s sight, lightly to give them over to death.”
I was much more comforted by this understanding of the passage. Paula and we lost so much through her death. Here God reassured me that he would not require such a cost lightly. Whatever His reasons for taking Paula at this age and stage of her life, they were ones that we will one day validate as being good.
He was a man of sorrows, familiar with suffering...
—Isaiah 53:3
God comforts us by sharing our grief.
We have not had much direct communication from the Lord during these grief-filled days, but one morning I was crying out to Him because of how damaged and defaced Paula’s body was, and God quietly said to me, “I felt that way, too.” I was reminded that He, also, was a bereaved parent. I learned that it hurt Him to see His Son’s body destroyed.
Death is deliverance to life beyond your imagining.
—Heaven, by Joseph Bayly
God comforts us with the hope of heaven. Despite Paula’s death, we feel an overwhelming urge to take care of her. We imagine the awful things that happened to our daughter in the wreck. The police report has a diagram that represents Paula’s body as a little cross flying along a dotted-line trajectory, striking a concrete barrier. That simple sketch makes our stomachs churn.
Since now we can only protect Paula’s memory, not her body or her soul, we want to learn all we can about heaven, to be assured that God is taking care of her. Paul, Daniel, Nathan, David, Jen and I are comforted that she is safe with her heavenly Father and that she is now one of the great cloud of witnesses mentioned in Hebrews 12:1. Our own fear of death has been lessened, and we look forward to the day we will see Jesus, the Father, and Paula.
We believe that Jesus died and came back to life. We also believe that, through Jesus, God will bring back those who have died. Paula will come back with Jesus.
—I Thessalonians 4:14
Thank you for your love and care for us.
Paul and Peggy Reynoso
US Hispanic Ministries
13495 Wetmore Road
San Antonio, TX 78247
210/495-5779 (office)
2037 Windy Trail
San Antonio, TX 78232
210/545-0647
Send gifts designated for the Reynosos to:
The Navigators
P. O. Box 6000
Colorado Springs, CO
80934
