Discipling Over the Long Haul
Francisco Arzadon IV
From The Adventure of Discipling Others. Order from NavPress
I discipled Ricky back in our college days. We met every week for Bible study and one-on-one counseling and training. As he got busy during his senior year, he slowly drifted away from such intense involvement. But once in a while we bumped into each other and would briefly share what was happening in our lives. He later invited me to help prepare for his wedding, and when he opened a food business, I became an occasional customer. One day, he decided to invest heavily in his business. Since that time, he and his wife have been consulting me about the decisions they face. I feel as if we're back to the good old days of really being involved in one another's lives.
From my experience with Ricky and others I have discipled, I've learned the value of maintaining an open hand. After building a basic biblical foundations in their lives, we should give our disciples enough space to decide for themselves what level of relationship they need from us. That level may change often through the years.
One common pitfall among disciplers is the tendency to constantly exert control. We can become overbearing in our efforts to keep people "on track". Such a relationship can be stifling and offensive, so that as soon as the people we disciple can escape our control, they will. As disciplers, we can learn from the farmer who plants the seed, then patiently waits for his crop to grow and bear fruit. Sometimes that fruit comes years after discipling-if we keep on open hand.
The following are some principles in maintaining an "open hand relationship."
- See your discipling relationship as long term. It will remove the pressure to dump too much on a young disciple in a short time.
- Be sensitive...to the level of spiritual hunger in the person you are discipling. Listen to him, and learn what he is excited about. Do not give him more than he is eager to receive.
- Do not be disappointed when a person does not meet your expectations. Give him the freedom to grow at his own pace.
- Become a friend and resource person. Maintain an open-ended relationship. Stay in touch even after your formal discipling relationship ends.
- Be there during critical moments in his life (wedding, change of career, first baby, death in the family, etc.).
- Keep on praying that he will be what God meant him to be.
