Opportunity and Loss
The first six to eighteen months after graduation can be a time of confusion, restlessness and discontent. Transition brings much anticipation, opportunity and excitement. The adventure of change is invigorating. But transition also brings a sense of loss. The presence of both excitement and sadness can be very disorienting.
“GOOD GRIEF WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME?”
We may not be consciously aware of it but most new graduates go through a time of ambivalence after leaving the campus. "Why? I’m excited to be done and making some money!" Transition involves a process of leaving old relationships, old patterns of living and taking on new ones. Some of these changes will be fun and others leave us longing for the good old days. Here are a few thoughts about the kind of loss that you may experience.
1. Loss of adolescence freedom. (Anyone up for an all-nighter?)
Students are generally viewed, although not accurately, as still being children. It is cute to be somewhat carefree, slack and dependent on parents. Society expects that, but now we are viewed as adults. We work in an adult world with adult responsibilities. (If that sounds awful, it’s not too late to think about grad school.)
Like one friend said,
“I hate getting up at 6:00 AM every day. I enjoy hanging out with friends at night. I’m used to staying up until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning. I can’t do that anymore. If I do then it kills me at work. I really miss it.”
Don’t worry David. I won’t tell anyone you said that.
2. Loss of the familiar (otherwise known as Culture Shock).
The campus environment is relatively homogenous. Students, at least those you hang with, tend to be of similar age, experience and have similar interests. In contrast, the marketplace is very diverse. In the marketplace, new skills are required to relate closely to people who are different in ages and outlooks. Many new grads find themselves being the only person in their office under the age of thirty. The questions, “How do I make friends with people different from me?” and “Do I even want to?” are no longer theoretical. They become a primary concern. Your response can impact the quality of your daily experience.
3. Loss of Friends
Good career opportunities take friends to different cities all over the country. The old gang is no longer together. Attempts are made to stay in touch but it is not the same. Instant messenger is no substitute for late night flicks and banal chatter that feels so comfortable. You may experience a social vacuum in the new environment. Spending the weekend alone in the apartment is depressing. No wonder many young professionals wear themselves out traveling every weekend.
4. Loss of Naiveté
Reality is seldom as vivid as our imaginations. Everyone has career expectations that are disappointed by the routine of the work world. The other day a friend who works for a leading technology company said,
“Work is really overrated, I don’t know what I expected, but I’m not as happy as I thought I’d be.”
It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking life in another job or city would be more exciting. The “grass-is-greener” syndrome ensnares many people.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Can you relate to any of the above situations? Take heart. They are a natural part of the growth process. Find a few friends and compare your experiences. Celebrate the benefits and acknowledge the losses of your current reality. Remember the words of Jesus, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
