Coaching Skills Session 2
Contextual Listening and Discovery Questioning
Coach Training
I. Why does coaching work?
- A. Facilitates self-discovery and self-motivation. Instills an "I will" rather than an "I should" attitude.
- B. Fosters entrepreneurial thinking and loosens creativity.
- C. Solutions and answers are evoked rather than given.
- D. Aligns individual goals with the organizational mission.
- E. Accountability is asked for and given.
- F. It's action oriented; they do the work.
- G. Truth is shared and blind spots are illuminated.
- H. There is a collaborative and synergistic partnership.
- I. Better goals and decisions are made because there is more personal ownership of goals and decisions.
A. Contextual Listening - a method of listening beyond the words to discern all there is to be heard and understood
Why is listening so hard?
1. What are some things we can do to be better listeners?
- Ask questions to draw out the content.
- Set your agenda aside.
- Say what you heard to clarify understanding.
- Avoid making quick assumptions or leaping to conclusions. Name it and check it out when you do.
- Avoid thinking about what you will say in response.
- Debrief. What is the value of being listened to?
1. How can we ask good questions?
What kinds of questions for you "open up" a conversation or invite discovery?
- Respond to what's being said.
- Sprinkle in comments to affirm, clarify, summarize.
- Formulate questions that invite exploration or produce solutions.
- Develop your own list of questions. Practice. Evaluate.
- 1. What would you like to see happen?
- 2. Say more about that.
- 3. What have you already tried?
- 4. What is the most important thing to do here?
- 5. What would it take for you to get this done?
- 6. How do you feel about that?
- 7. What has worked for you in the past?
- 8. Why do you think it didn't work as well as you hoped?
- 9. What are other options?
- 10. What needs to happen in order for you ____________________?
- (Small group.) Have someone share a story, experience. The rest of you listen. Listen for opportunity to clarify information. Use open-ended discovery questions. Debrief.
A. Questions
- 1. What is the value of listening? Being listened to?
- 2. What is the importance of asking good questions?
- 1. Think about who you could coach.
- 2. Practice the skills of listening and asking questions in conversation.
COACHING - A SHORT COURSE
by Matt Martin
(These notes were taken in the
Vancouver, B.C. airport by John Robinson as he sat across from Matt,
who was drawing a diagram on paper and explaining it to Peter Hong)
In
coaching we treat the people as the expert (about their lives and what
they want or need to do.) The goal is to help people move from where
they are to where they want to be - thus "bridge the gap". This taps
into their internal motivation and gets their best effort. The first
step is to establish goals - where they want to go.
This
requires a process of discovery. Bring focus down to one issue. Where
would you like to be a year from now? It may take several meetings to
establish goals. Help determine fitting or appropriate goals.
For
example, someone may say, "I want to make progress in my career and get
a position with more responsibility and pay." Good goal. What could you
reasonably strive for over the next year? Better performance in my
current position and make myself more marketable. Very good. What would
make you a better performer, or more marketable? Take the xyz course
and tackle a challenging project. OK, so what do you want your goal to
be? Etc...
Coaches ask questions and listen. Listen 80% or
more, talk 20% or less. Coaching becomes an added tool in the
disciple/train/mentor/consult/counsel continuum. You can only move to
coaching if the other person can reasonably be considered knowledgeable
enough to be "expert" in the goal. Coaching can help identify areas of
motivation. When they hit a place where they need more information,
then you can be an advisor, giving them "assignments" to get more info,
consult experts, etc. Ask penetrating questions to get to issues and to
push them to examine and explore options. Help them evaluate the
consequences of various options. Help identify options or roadblocks.
Why
have they not proceeded in this area before? Are they really motivated?
Are they emotionally ready? Do they have the time? Do they have to
change some other commitment? Do they need more info? Support from
others or resources from the outside? What are the strengths they can
build on?
Plan the action steps. Help them be focused, specific, strategic, realistic.
Authorize
and empower: affirm, encourage, "I will pray with you about ______."
Connect to another resource person. "I'll go and talk with so-and-so
with you." Help them accomplish the plan they have developed. Use my
leadership resources to sponsor and support their efforts. Authorize
people to do what they have stated as goals and action steps.
Recap.
Summarize what they have agreed to do. Serve them by keeping the goals
in front of them. Come back to the plan of action. Review previous
assignments and agreed-upon goals at start of the next call. Always
keep a bias toward action. Help them move forward with excellent focus
and performance.
One advantage of this approach is we are
involved with people in very relevant areas, in performance with
immediate application to what they want to do and are motivated to do.
Coaching is a collaborative effort. And it has a wonderful outcome:
they experience success; they grow in confidence and capacity to decide
and to act for themselves. In this sense it is a powerful agent of
maturing and of people acquiring faith and hope that they can act.
Mentoring
(serving as a wise and trusted counselor and teacher and involves
more than 20% of the talking) focuses on heart and soul issues,
beliefs, philosophy and on how to think. In distinction, coaching
focuses on skill, performance and practical thinking &
decision-making.
Other tips:
- An important dimension for coaching is the work environment, because so much time is spent there, because the implications of excellent performance are so powerful and because the opportunities for influence are so abundant.
- When Matt approaches a relationship to contribute to that person, he starts with a coach approach. If it becomes desirable or warranted, he can then opt to move into mentoring, etc. This, however, ought to be done by asking and obtaining permission.
- Coaching as development is needs-oriented and goals-oriented, rather than curriculum-driven. You might get into training or teaching, but the order would be coach, train, coach, train, coach, etc. Be sure it is always tied to their motivation.
- Don't add knowledge to knowledge - ask them to do. Teaching focuses on new content. Coaching focuses on new actions.
- Coaching correctly seeks to focus on one goal in a person's life at a time. In practice, however, it is not uncommon to start with one goal and then see other goals either emerge in the process or come to the fore simply by life circumstances. Help the individual establish priority, address number one with focus, and then move onto the next.
