How to Disciple Your Children
by Walter A. Henrichsen
Discipling is the voguish cliché of the church today. Every respectable congregation has a discipling program. Many large churches have ministers of discipling. Too often, however, discipling is done at the price of neglecting those who need it most: our children!Discipling must begin with our children if it is ever to affect the rest of our culture. Before we go looking for people to disciple, we should start with our own families. For a few short years, God has entrusted our children to our care. Whether for good or bad, we will mark them for eternity.
In the book of Proverbs, Solomon said, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it" (22:6). There is both a promise and principle in these words. The promise stems from our faithfully following the principle. If as parents, we properly invest in our children, we can make a permanent difference in their adult lives.
As we look at some of the ingredients that go into influencing our children toward godliness, it may prove helpful to pause for a moment and examine the word disciple. How do the biblical writers use the word? What does it mean to disciple our children?
First of all, a disciple is not a pupil. In the earliest uses of the word disciple, a distinction was made between the two. The relationship of the disciple with his mentor is different from that of the pupil with his teacher. The latter relationship is rational and professional while the former is grounded on fellowship.
When Paul wrote to Timothy about their relationship, he reminded Timothy that he sought not to impart facts as much as a lifestyle. Paul said:
You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance, persecutions, sufferings-what kinds of things happened to me in Antioch, Iconium and Lystra, the persecutions I endured. Yet the Lord rescued me from all of them. In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted (2 Timothy 3:10-12).
They experienced togetherness in the totality of life. As a disciple, Timothy's goal was not to learn, but rather to share in the life of his mentor. The layers of hierarchy were missing. He was not Paul's slave or servant, but a friend and co-laborer. An intimacy in their relationship made the process of Paul's discipling of Timothy very successful.
Second, the discipler is always a link between God and the disciple. This is clearly seen in the Old Testament. Although the word disciple or its equivalent is rare in the history and writing of Israel, the relationship did exist between men such as Moses and Joshua, Elijah and Elisha, and Eli and Samuel.
Third, being a disciple is always voluntary. God designed discipleship with our best interests in mind. We do God no favor by committing ourselves to Him. It is He who does us the favor by offering us discipleship. From the Savior's perspective, it is the only way to squeeze the maximum out of life. In New Testament terms, failing to be a disciple is failing to lock in with the Creator in a program that has eternal significance.
In discipling our children, the initiative must remain with them. To force commitment upon them without the presence of an inner conviction causes our children to live a lie.
Fourth, discipleship is commitment to the person of Christ. Again, the solder that welds the disciple and discipler together is not found in the content of the message as much as in the strength of the relationship. The allegiance of Jesus' disciples was to His person more than to what He said.
To disciple a peer, you do not have the same God-given responsibility that you have in rearing your children. The parent discipling his child is confronted with the task of fulfilling his obligations as a parent, while at the same time teaching his child that his allegiance must finally be to Jesus Christ. In a certain sense you are wearing two hats. The goal, however, remains the same-commitment to the Person of Christ.
Fifth, discipleship deals more with the inner quality of life than with outward performance. As you read the four Gospels and note the requirements Jesus makes for being a disciple, you discover that these Gospels largely speak to what a person is more than what he does.
As a parent I do not convert my child to Christ. From first to last it is the work of the Holy Spirit. I may be privileged to function as a "midwife" in the new birth process, but that is all. So also in discipling, I will guide and influence my children, and that responsibility alone is awesome. But if I want my child to be a disciple of Jesus Christ, it is He who must give form and content to the relationship.
Walter A. Henrichsen served with The Navigators more than 20 years. This article originally appeared in the October/November 1981 issue of NavLog.
